The Writer’s Memo – Toleration
I choose to do a short story for my medium in this sequence. From this I think I have learned how to take on different perspectives better because I had to be all the different characters myself and evaluate how they would feel an act in the situation. The purpose of my short story was to point out the pressure homosexual individuals experience to be heterosexual. Originally my audience was specifically anti-gay Christians but as my story progressed it became both the latter and the homosexuals facing intolerance themselves. My ending goal with this short story was to point out how it is difficult for both of these audiences to deal with the idea of homosexuality. And I hope any readers of this story come away with the idea that although there may be two completely opposite opinions in the field of gay rights, there is a way we can learn to tolerate one another even if no agreement can be reached between the two parties.
My audience changed a lot of things about my short story. I wanted to present the situation of someone openly admitting their homosexuality and the reactions of those close to that person in the most un-biased way possible. It was somewhat hard for me to make the mother’s (Helen’s) reactions realistic because I take the opposite view of her, but I liked how it made me put myself in that side’s shoes because I think it is difficult for family members to accept their loved one’s homosexuality and it’s a struggle that also needs to be recognized. Knowing the context and audience is important in an essay because by targeting a specific audience it allows you to cater to their specific needs in an essay or short story and helps you to get your point across more efficiently.
Toleration
The large stone sign at the corner of Chestnut and Vine bore the inscription “Columbus Christian Academy est. 2001.” The school’s desired message was set in stone: “God Bless Us All.” Tara had passed this sign every day of her high school career. (I used the school CCA to introduce both my main character, Tara, and the setting in which she lived.) CCA was a very small school, spitting out just fewer than one hundred graduates each year. It was a college prep school, but what CCA prided themselves in the most was their melting pot of religion and academics. (I thought it was crucial that she school she attended be Christian because it emphasizes what a big part religion plays in her life and also how much religion matters to her parents since they are willing to pay for a private school.) Students organized and participated in chapel every day, and nearly all the students had a great desire to hold a relationship with God. And Tara clearly stood out as one of these people. (This too emphasizes how important religion is to Tara) Although she related to her peers in this way, she tended to stand out more than she blended in. She was very small in stature, but she was never overlooked due to her energy level. She was frequently seen running or screaming in the hallways, and sometimes even a combination of both occurred.(I included this detail because I thought it was necessary to explain how she wasn’t afraid to have her own personality, but she was scared to express her homosexualiy.) She never followed trends, but concocted her own unique style which consisted of spikey hair and mismatched outfits. But despite her outward differences her peers embraced her and she had a large group of friends and a boyfriend of two years. Even though she had popularity and acceptance of the other students at CCA, she felt alone. (In this sentence I wanted to forshawdow the idea that she had everything a high school student dreams of, but yet she wasn’t happy because she wasn’t expressing her “secret.”) She had known what the root of this problem was for a while but she tried to push it from her mind, but it never completely went away. It was the reason she had never let her boyfriend do more than hold her hand (I wanted the story to begin with Tara having a boyfriend to show how she was trying to be straight.) , the reason why she was so self-conscious when she hugged her girlfriends, and the reason why she felt so empty. Like she could never feel completely safe letting herself go. She knew what admitting her homosexuality meant. She would be damned by God, exiled by her family, kicked out of her school, and abandoned by her friends. (This shows the fear Tara had of “coming out of the closet,” because acceptance of her friends, parents, and God meant a great deal to her.)
Tara was able to hold this burden inside of her until she met Brynn, a loud and proud lesbian who even came complete with the rainbow pride bumper sticker. (The introduction of Brynn begins Tara’s journey into becoming publicly homosexual.) It was a Sunday morning when Tara came in to cover a coworker’s shift. It was the 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. which meant she would miss both the morning and evening services for church. She pulled into the parking lot and rested her head against the back of the seat to say a prayer which she hoped would make up for missing service. She watched the wooden cross that hung from her rearview mirror swing back and forth before she opened her door to tackle the eight hour shift that lay in front of her. (The cross swinging back and forth symbolizes how her faith is taunting her by not allowing her to be gay and a Christian.)
When she clocked in her manager was waiting with a tall black-haired girl, who yawned as the manager explained to Tara that it was Brynn’s first day and she needed to be trained. Brynn stuck her hand out to introduce herself. Tara was momentarily taken aback by the wristband she wore. It was simple: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and indigo with “Pride” in bold letters stamped across. Tara felt an overwhelming mixture of emotions before she was able to grasp her hand. She wanted to ask her so many questions: How did it feel to not hide her homosexuality? What was it like to hold another girl in her arms? Was she happy? (I wanted to make these questions clear so my audience could grasp how confusing and lost Tara feels not being able to express openly her homosexuality.) Tara couldn’t bring herself to look Brynn in the eyes (I also wanted to show that Tara was ashamed of her homosexuality even around those whom she knew were also gay.) as she showed her where the cleaning supplies were and what buttons to push on the cash register. She tried to focus on her work so she wouldn’t burst with curiosity and emotions. Her thoughts ran wild. She was nervous for her other coworkers to meet Brynn. She thought they would immediately disapprove of her when they found out about her “abnormality.” (This shows how she believes no one can accept it when people are gay.)
Nine and then ten o’clock rolled around and more of Tara and Brynn’s coworkers came walking in; cursing about how ridiculously early it was and begging the question of why people just HAD to get in over seventy-five percent of their suggested calorie intake before noon. (I wanted to add small bits of humor into the short story to keep my audience’s attention.) Tara’s anxiety increased as all the male coworkers quickly noticed Brynn and half raced each other to her side to do their best to spit some game. Brynn warded off the hungry mob by slyly pretending to fix her hair net and purposefully flashing her wristband; casually showing her pride off just a little bit more. (I wanted Brynn’s character to be the opposite of Tara as far as being proud of being gay. Unlike Brynn Tara is scared of her homosexuality while Brynn embraces it.) Surprisingly though, no one reacted badly to her obvious signaling (if anything it made the boys even more interested), but Tara was taken aback by how normal Brynn’s first day was despite how different she was from all her new straight coworkers.
As the day went on Tara started to become very envious of Brynn, and it was clearly noticeable. Tara tried to keep her distance from Brynn unless she needed help, and when four o’clock came around Tara rushed to the time clock and power walked to her car so fast she may have been eligible for the Olympic trials. Brynn was confused about why Tara had been so distant from her while all her other coworkers had been very friendly and outgoing. She grabbed her jacket and tried to keep up with Tara who was already starting her car. Brynn knocked on her window just as she was about to make her escape, which Tara rolled down looking very agitated. Then Brynn noticed the wooden cross, with its deep cherry stain and leather chain. She stared at it as it rocked back and forth like it was taunting her. “I just wanted to say thank you for putting up with me today,” Brynn continued as she pointed towards the cross, “but is that why you couldn’t look me in the eyes or even pretend to get to know me today? Because I saw you staring at my bracelet.” Tara was dumbfounded at how forward Brynn was being, but she answered with the truth, which was yes. (I used smaller details in this explanation to allow the viewer to slow down and imagine the tension between the two. I also wanted the reader to see both sides of the scene and I did this by switching back and forth between Brynn’s and Tara’s thoughts.) Brynn knew this kind of response all too well. It was so typical. Tara was just one of those hard-headed, bible-beating, anti-gay Christians. (Through Brynn’s first interpretation of Tara’s behavior I wanted to show how not only the gays are stereotyped but so are straight people. Because my story is pointed to show the many social issues of homosexuality, I wanted to show how not only gays are stereotyped but also heterosexuals.) Her behavior spelled it all out, and nothing enraged Brynn more than the intolerance she had endured since coming out of the closet. “The only thing you know about me is that I’m gay, and you’re going to automatically shun me for that? What if I did that with all you straight people? You’re a Christian, come on now, surely you realize only God has that right. And I refuse to believe that God would treat me any differently than He would you just because of the way you are.” Tara stared back at Brynn, she met her eyes for the first time, but could say nothing and instead shook her head back and forth, not knowing what to say and on the verge of a breakdown. It was hard for Brynn to stop herself from yelling even more, but she knew she couldn’t do anything to change Tara’s mind. “It doesn’t even matter what you think, you’re just another biggit,” she said and turned to leave until she heard Tara speak. “You’re right, God wouldn’t treat me any differently than he would you, because I’m just like you.” ( I edited Tara’s coming out to Brynn slightly because I wanted to emphasize all the emotions involved in the conversations, such as Brynn’s anger and the tension that Tara was feeling by not sharing what was really causing her distance from Brynn.)
After Tara shared her burden with Brynn the two became inseparable. Tara’s personality and behaviors began to change. She was obviously happier, but she was becoming more and more distant from everything in her life that didn’t involve Brynn. She broke up with her boyfriend, quit speaking in CCA’s chapel services, rarely went to church at all, and regularly blew off plans with her school friends. Everyone was noticing the change, especially Tara’s mom, Helen. (I brought in Tara’s mother as another character to show how hard it is for a parent to come to terms with their child being gay, it was especially difficult for Helen because she is so religiously opposed to homosexuality and therefore gave my short story another perspective on homosexuality.)
Helen had seen many of her friends’ children break away from their parents, but she had prayed every night that Tara and herself would always maintain the strong relationship that was so special to her. But now, here she was, watching her daughter drift away. Tara no longer told her everything that happened in her day, she quit relaying to Helen all of the school’s gossip, and long gone were the mother-daughter church nights where afterward they would spend hours laughing about how much the other mothers and daughters bickered at each other. (I wanted the audience to see how strong Helen and Tara’s relationship was before Tara came out as gay, so the difference between post-coming out and pre-coming out is noticeable.) But despite how much Helen missed her daughter she knew God had a plan, and in that she trusted that His plan would help Tara stay on the right path and eventually come back around into her arms.
Everyone in Tara’s home was becoming accustomed to the constant presence of Brynn. The duo was constantly locking themselves in Tara’s room only to resurface for snacks and hydration. Helen was doing her best to like Brynn, but she couldn’t help but feel that she was taking Tara away. Then one Sunday morning as Helen was getting ready to leave for church, she walked down the hallway and called for Tara and Brynn (who had spent the night as usual) to wake up so they wouldn’t be late for work. When no groggy mumble assured her that they were getting up, she opened the door. Nothing could have prepared her for what she saw. Clothes littered the floor, the blankets were tossed off the bed, and there was her daughter; intimately curled up and naked next to Brynn. (I wanted this discovery to be very sudden and shocking for Helen so I could explain the emotions she goes through while trying to decide how to deal with her daughter’s homosexuality.)
Helen shut the door hoping that it would shut out the devastating image as well. She walked to the living room in shock and grasped her Bible hoping it would ease the pain and bring comfort like it normally did. But even that didn’t help because only Leviticus 20:13 came to her mind: “If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own hands.” (I wanted to include this Bible verse because it is so often used against homosexuals. By allowing viewers to see the text I want them to go through the process of seeing homosexuality as condemned by God and then see at the conclusion of this story that it doesn’t need to be interpreted this way. I think it also allows the reader to see how Tara felt in regards to facing her homosexuality while still being a Christian.) She couldn’t bring herself to go to church but instead remained in her spot on the couch the whole day. Even watching as Brynn and Tara rushed to work, hands grasped tightly as they walked out the front door. They didn’t even notice her. Her mind was doing circles. How could Tara commit such a terrible sin? What if CCA found out? Tara would surely get kicked out. Then where would she go? Was Tara really gay? It has to just be teenage rebellion. But what if it wasn’t? What kind of life will she have? She’ll never be able to get married or have children. And what about God? Will she be damned? Helen could only come to one conclusion: she had to change Tara’s behavior; she had to save her from the future that homosexuality would lead her to. (I wanted to point out the perspective that homosexuality is a choice and not someone’s true nature. I think this perspective was the hardest for me to take on, because I’ve never felt this way, and I struggled to make the feelings and thoughts of Helen realistic without going too overboard on stereotypes. At the same time I wanted this perspective to be in my paper because it helps achieve my goal of pointing out the all the sides of struggling with homosexuality.)
When Tara got home later that night her mom was sitting on the couch, reading the Bible as usual. But when her mother looked at her and asked her to sit down, she noticed the desperation in her face. Then her mom said it: “Tara, please tell me that you’re not gay.” And the secret was out. Tara couldn’t do anything but cry and Helen followed that example. Tara was simply overcome with relief, while Helen grieved over what the unveiled secret meant. (This is another point in the story where I thought it was important to show both perspectives of the conversation because it creates such a large opposition.) But after this moment their relationship was changed forever. Because Tara had already made up her mind, she was a lesbian, and she couldn’t try to be anything other than that. Helen’s heart was broken; all the plans she had spent eighteen years dreaming about were destroyed in just one day. And Tara’s world was shattered when her mother told her she couldn’t love someone who would purposefully choose a life of sin and cause so much disappointment.
Tara became increasingly depressed as her mother became more distant. Brynn felt desperate to help her, but there was nothing she could do right. They fought constantly, Tara wasn’t the person that Brynn had fallen in love with, and so she ended it. Tara was at rock bottom. She was heart-broken and the only person that could comfort her couldn’t even stand the sight of her. She was the center of gossip at CCA and the rumors of her homosexuality spread like wildfire. (I thought it was important to show her people’s perceptions at CCA changed even though she was the same person just no longer a secret homosexual.)
Mr. Salkil, the school Chaplin, was worried about her. It was clear she was depressed. She had lost weight, she hadn’t been involved with chapel in ages, and she no longer had the energy level that once filled the hallways with chaos. He watched as she walked silently only accompanied by the whispers around her. He called to her and asked her to come into his office. She looked petrified, but obeyed and sat down on the loveseat that so many of his students had poured their souls out on.
“Tara, I’ve heard the rumors. You know it’s such a small school that everyone is in each other’s business just trying to find a way to keep entertained.” Tara’s heart skipped a beat, just when she thought things couldn’t get any lower. They were going to kick her out of school just a month before graduation. Mr. Salkil continued on: “I don’t know what’s true, but whatever it is, I want you to know it’s okay to talk about it here. And it’s clear you need to talk about it.” Tara knew he was right. She didn’t know if it was the right thing to trust him, but she had to let things out.
Mr. Salkil wasn’t surprised by everything Tara was feeling. He had seen multiple of his kids at CCA struggle in the same way, and it was hard for him to see how they were torn apart for something he believed was not their choice. So many of his fellow Christians focused on certain passages in the Bible that could be interpreted as condemning homosexuality, but he found it ridiculous that so many could pour over the Bible, nit-picking certain verses, when it is clear that the true meaning of those passages are completely different when taken out of context. It was his interpretation that in a post-modern age Christians cannot take everything in the Bible literally since it was written in a time so very different from our world today, but instead to read the Bible for the bigger message: to be a good person and to have faith in your God. (Mr. Salkil is a really important character in this story because I believe he brings together the view that being a gay Christian is possible. He was the easiest perspective for me to take on.)
“You’re now a minority in the heterosexual world. It’s not going to be easy, you’re going up against a lot and it’s a huge personal change that’s going to take a lot of adjusting. Not just for you, but for everyone that you know. You have to give things time, and have faith that God will be with you through this, because he will and he has been. Have tolerance for those around you to adapt to the change, and they will grow to have the tolerance for you.” (I would like to revise this so the message isn’t so loud in the ending, but I couldn’t find a way to give this message the justice I think it deserves in any other means.)
Taylor Davis 